„I’ve always been much more of an outsider. Finding my place on the fringe. I never saw an outcome in where I was going to “fit in” or fill the category I was assigned. Even now post transition I feel more comfortable on the outside. Within the trans community I still feel a disconnect. I’ve made my own path in life very separate from any expected trajectory. I’ve found my own people to support me through as I support them. People who all come from different pasts, presents, and futures seeming to have little or nothing in common have made up my community. It’s not always what you have in common that creates a bond, often it is what makes you different.

Transitioning took a long, long period of time. Things in my life slowly became more and more “this isn’t right“ before they could ever become okay.

I spent so much of my life living for other people. I didn’t know how to live for myself, because I didn’t know who I was and wasn’t trying to figure it out. I was distracting myself with Life, with other people. I wanted to be “the best person” for everyone, which ultimately wasn‘t the perfect person either and led me into mostly toxic relationships. I dated people I wanted to be. I lived the life I wanted through them, instead of living my own life. I searched for distractions in many things that weren’t good for me. Until these things too, didn’t give me the high I was looking for. I finally ran out of energy to pretend to be someone I wasn’t.

After I finally admitted to myself who I was I just wanted to skip ahead, to fast forward, I just wanted to get to where I was going and be there. I felt like I had finally been born and I had to go through growing up all over again.

I started taking hormones a little over two years ago. It took me almost a year after starting hormones to tell my parents I was their daughter. Looking back now, remem-bering all the things I wanted for myself, I am there.” - Alex Hall, Brooklyn 2020

Essay style portrait inspired by Dominique Wynne